Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
