you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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