Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
