and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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