Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
