Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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