So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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