the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
