Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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