new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Bring me that man meat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
