I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
