You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
