It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone came in the potted fern
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
