It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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