So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
