My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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