I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
