Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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