mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
