I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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