I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
