I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
