I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
third nipple confirmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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