You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
