I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
