All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
