so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
