i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
