so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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