remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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