Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
