she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
