Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
