I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
