I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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