You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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