Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
