So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
