They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
