Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
