Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
