I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
