First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Found your dick twin last night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
