Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
