I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
