my phone needs a breathalizer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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