I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
