I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
