Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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