Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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