You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
