youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
