I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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