I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
