I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
cat food counts as protein by the way
She told me I should be a condom model.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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