I wanna passion pit in your ass
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
