I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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