Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
