The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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