Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i love accidental penises.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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