No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We just shotgunned beers for America
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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