My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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