yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
