Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
