Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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